Episode 602: Dakota Fanning transcript
Prologue: The guest star's dressing room Scooter: (knocking on Guest Star's dressing room door) (Guest Star's Name), oh, (Guest Star's Name), 39 2nds 'til curtain, Miss (Guest Star's last Name)." Guest Star: "Thanks, Scooter, I'll be ready for close family appreciation week in a jiffy." Scooter: "That's good, 'cause my twin sister, Skeeter is coming to the Muppet Theater tonight." Guest Star: "Oh, how nice and wonderful." Cut to Kermit appearing through The Muppet Show logo Kermit: It's The Muppet Show, with our very special guest star, Miss Dakota Fanning, yaaaay! [The Muppet Show Theme Music Playing In Background] Playing Notes On Piano Playing In Background Female Muppet friends: It's time to play the music, it's time to light the lights, it's time to meet the Muppets on The Muppet Show tonight Male Muppet friends:'' it's time to put on make up, it's time to dress up right, it's time to raise the curtain on The Muppet Show tonight'' Waldorf: why do we always come here Statler: I guess we'll never know Waldorf: it's like some kind of torture Statler and Waldorf: to have to watch the show Band Music Playing Kermit: and now let's get things started Miss Piggy: why don't you get things started Kermit and Muppet friends: it's time to get things started on the most sensational, inspirational, celebrational, Muppetational, this is what we call The Muppet Show....... Gonzo's trumpet sprays water all over the place Scene 1: Onstage/The introduction Kermit: "Thank you, everybody, and welcome back again to The Muppet Show, we all know that it's close family appreciation week, 'cause our guest star for tonight is Miss (Guest Star's Name), and she's been in War of the Worlds, The Cat in the Hat, Charlotte's Web and all of it, but 1st, we have an opening musical #, and here's the Electric Mayhem band to sing Lean on Me. Opening Musical #: Lean on Me Teeth Playing Music On Electronic Keyboard Dr. Teeth: Sometimes in our lives, we all have pain, we all have sorrow Floyd: but if we are wise, we know that there's always tomorrow Janice: lean on me, when you're not strong and I'll be your friend I'll help you carry on Floyd: for it won't be long 'til I'm gonna need somebody to lean on Dr. Teeth: please swallow your pride if I have things you need to borrow Janice: for no 1 can fill those of your needs that you won't let show Electric Mayhem band members: you just call on me brother, when you need a hand Dr. Teeth: we all need somebody to lean on Floyd: I just might have a problem that you'd understand Janice: we all need somebody to lean on Electric Mayhem band members: you just call on me brother, when you need a hand Dr. Teeth: we all need somebody to lean on Janice: I just might have a problem that you'd understand Floyd: we all need somebody to lean on Janice: if there is a load you have to bear that you can't carry Dr. Teeth: I'm right up the road I'll share your load if you just call me Electric Mayhem band members: call me Floyd: if you need a friend Electric Mayhem band members: call me Dr. Teeth: oh, call me now Electric Mayhem band members: call me Janice: if you need a friend Electric Mayhem band members: call me Dr. Teeth: if you ever need a friend Electric Mayhem band members: call me Floyd: call me Janice: call me Dr. Teeth: call me Zoot: if you need a friend Cut to Statler and Waldorf in the balcony....... Waldorf: "So, Statler, have you ever had any close family experience before?" Statler: "Well, kind of, I've got a good nephew and niece and a wonderful grandson." Waldorf: "Well,'' I've'' got a beautiful wife named Astoria." Statler: "How nice for you." Statler and Waldorf: Uncontrollably Cut to Kermit in his office, backstage Kermit: "Alright, bravo, that was terrific, you guys." Dr. Teeth: "You can always say that again." Kermit: "Alright, let's see, uh, Pig's in Space, Pigs in Space is next onstage, everybody!" ''Pigs in Space'' sketch #: Mysterious package Announcer: "And now it's time for Pigs in Spaaaace, starring Captain Link Hogthrob, 1st Mate Miss Piggy and the wise cracking Dr. Strangepork." Announcer: "Where we last joined the Swine Trek Crew, Dr. Strangepork had just recieved a mysterious package from his older cousin in Australia." Dr. Strangepork: "Hey, look, everybody, my older cousin from Australia sent me a package." Captain Link Hogthrob: "Boy oh boy, I wonder what's inside." Miss Piggy/1st Mate Piggy: "I bet it's 1 of those beautiful jewelry boxes." Dr. Strangepork: "Well, I'm gonna open it and find out what it is." Dr. Strangepork carefully opens the package, and finds a disco ball inside. Dr. Strangepork: "Oh wow, it's a disco ball." Miss Piggy/1st Mate Piggy: "I wonder how it really works." Captain Link Hogthrob: "Let's put it up on the ceiling and turn it on and see for ourselves." Captain Link Hogthrob puts the disco ball up on the ceiling and Dr. Strangepork turns it on. Music Playing In Background Miss Piggy/1st Mate Piggy: "Oh my gosh, that's lovely disco music playing in here." Announcer: "Will the disco dance party go on like always? does Dr. Strangepork know what that disco ball is made from? find out on the next exciting episode of Pigs in Spaaace." Swedish Chef sketch #: Red velvet cupcakes Playing In Background Swedish Chef: Yorn desh born, der ritt de gitt der gue, '' ''orn desh, dee born desh, '' ''de umn '' ''bork, bork, bork Swedish Chef: "Tuneeght, ve-a're-a mekeeng red felfet coopcekes." Swedish Chef: "Furst, ve-a get oooot a meexing bool." The Swedish Chef gets out a mixing bowl and sets it right on the counter. Swedish Chef: "Next ve-a preheet zee bekeeng oofee tu 350 degrees fehrenheeet." Swedish Chef: "Here-a's hoo it's dune-a." Swedish Chef: "Poot in feeffteee und a helff oooonces ooff ell poorpuse-a fluoor." The Swedish Chef puts in 15 and 1/2 ounces of all purpose flour right into the mixing bowl. Swedish Chef: "Next, poot in oone-a und a fuoort teespuuns ooff bekeeng pooder." The Swedish Chef puts in 1 1/4 teaspoons of baking powder in the mixing bowl. Swedish Chef: "Poot in oone-a und a fuoort teespuuns ooff selt." The Swedish Chef puts in 1 1/4 teaspoons of salt in the mixing bowl. Swedish Chef: "Next, oone-a und oone-a fuoort teespuuns ooff unsveetened cucua pooder." The Swedish Chef puts in 1 1/4 teaspoons of unsweetened cocoa powder in the mixing bowl. Swedish Chef: "Zeen ve-a poot in oone-a und a helff coops ooff fegeteble-a ooeel." The Swedish Chef puts in 1 1/2 cups of vegetable oil in the mixing bowl. Swedish Chef: "Poot in thurteee oooonces ooff grunooleted sooger." The Swedish Chef puts in 13 ounces of granulated sugar in the mixing bowl. Swedish Chef: "Next, ve-a poot in oone-a und a fuoort coops ooff boottermeelk." The Swedish Chef puts in 1 1/4 cups of buttermilk in the mixing bowl. Swedish Chef: "Zeen ve-a creck in three-a iggs tu tup it ooffff." The Swedish Chef cracks 3 eggs in the mixing bowl. Swedish Chef: Tvu teble-a spuuns ooff red fuud culureeng." The Swedish Chef puts in 2 table spoons of red food coloring in the mixing bowl. Swedish Chef: "Next, poot in oone-a und a fuoort teespuuns ooff epple-a ceeder." The Swedish Chef puts in 1 1/2 teaspoons of apple cider in the mixing bowl. Swedish Chef: "Zeen ve-a poot in oone-a und a fuoort teespuuns ooff funeella ixtrect." The Swedish Chef puts in 1 1/4 teaspoons of vanilla extract in the mixing bowl. Swedish Chef: "Und lest boot nut leest, oone-a ieeght coop ooff veter." The Swedish Chef puts in 1/8 cup of water in the mixing bowl as well. Swedish Chef: Noo, ve-a meex zeem ell tugezeer oone-a by oone-a." The Swedish Chef mixes up all of the ingredients 1 by 1, and puts them in every single 1 of the cupcake trays, then puts them in the baking oven for about 55 minutes. Swedish Chef: "Vheele-a ve-a're-a veeeting fur zeem tu beke-a, let's meke-a zee creem cheese-a frusteeng." Swedish Chef: "Poot in oone-a und a helff puoonds ooff creem cheese-a, ruum temperetoore-a." The Swedish Chef puts in 1 1/2 pounds of cream cheese in the little mixing bowl. Swedish Chef: "Next, poot in oone-a puoond ooff steeck bootter, ruum temperetoore-a." The Swedish Chef puts in 1 pound of stick butter in the little mixing bowl. Swedish Chef: "Zeen ve-a poot in tvu puoonds ooff poodered sooger, seeffted." Swedish Chef: "Lest, boot nut leest, oone-a teblespuun ooff funeella ixtrect." The Swedish Chef puts in 1 tablespoon of vanilla extract in the little mixing bowl as well. Swedish Chef: "Und noo, ve-a meex zeem ell up." The Swedish Chef mixes up the ingeredients, and it becomes cream cheese frosting. Timer Dings Swedish Chef: "Let's gu see-a iff zee red felfet coopcekes ere-a feenished bekeeng." The Swedish Chef takes the red velvet cupcakes outta the baking oven, and sets them right on the counter. Swedish Chef: "Und noo, let's poot zee creem cheese-a frusteeng oon ifery seengle-a oone-a ooff zeem." The Swedish Chef puts the cream cheese frosting on the red velvet cupcakes, and they come to life and begin horsing around. Velvet Cupcakes Laughing Uncontrollably Swedish Chef: "Vhet zee hey? yuoo get beck in here-a thees instunt!" The Swedish Chef begins chasing the red velvet cupcakes around in his kitchen..... ''Veterinarian's Hospital Sketch #: Walter as the patient Announcer: "And now, ''Veterinarian's Hospital, the continuing story of a quack, who's gone to the dogs." Rowlf/Dr. Bob: "And so, I went down town to the fruit market, and I asked the sales manager, which of t''''hese fruits are on sale merchandise, and he said, the Granny Smith apples are the 1s on sale."' Miss Piggy/Nurse Piggy: "Oh, Dr. Bob, you and your crazy fruit jokes." Rowlf/Dr. Bob: "I just hope they're not 'too' fruity or corny." Janice/Nurse Janice: "So, Dr. Bob, what's the deal with this patient? who is he?" Rowlf/Dr. Bob: "You wanna know who the patient is? well, here he is." Rowlf/Dr. Bob pulls down the corner of the green blanket covers and reveals Walter as the patient. Miss Piggy/Nurse Piggy: "Oh my goodness, Walter, what brings you here?" Walter: "I've got terrible aches and pains in my elbows, and it's driving me extremely crazy." Rowlf/Dr. Bob: "Well, it could be a major 'Charlie Horse' you have going on around here." Walter: "Easy for you to say." Announcer: "Does Dr. Bob have any sense of humor? will Nurse Piggy ever live to subscribe to healthy digest magazine? will Nurse Janice ever make Japanese paper doll figurines? tune in next week when you hear Nurse Janice say-" Janice/Nurse Janice: "Dr. Bob, have you got any idea what's the deal with this patient?" Rowlf/Dr. Bob: "Why yes, of course, just don't 'jack 'it up." Cut back to Statler and Waldorf in the balcony............ Waldorf: "Wow, the poor young fellow couldn't take anymore of the aches and pains in his elbows." Statler: "Well, how do you 'think' he'll do with both of them?" Waldorf: "Terrible and horrible!" Statler and Waldorf: Uncontrollably Again ''At the Dance Sketch #-Same as Always Kermit is dancing with Miss Piggy, Floyd is dancing with Janice, George is dancing with Mildred Huxtetter, Dr. Teeth is dancing with a female pumpkin-orange whatnot, Zoot is dancing with a female light green whatnot, Rowlf is dancing with a female light blue whatnot, Gonzo is dancing with Camilla, Scooter is dancing with a female lavender whatnot, Fozzie is dancing with a female light blue whatnot and Walter is dancing with a female purple whatnot. Scooter: "So, my 1 true love, what exciting new thing happened to you this afternoon?" Female Purple Whatnot: "Lots of good stuff." Scooter: "Like what?" Female Purple Whatnot: "Oh, like watering the spice gardens." Gonzo: "Isn't this a wonderful thing we're doing here, Camilla?" Camilla: In Reply George: "You know, I once came from a very old country." Mildred Huxtetter: "My home town's a lot older than it used to be." Female Light Blue Whatnot: "So, how much is that adorable puppy dog in the pet shop window?" Rowlf: "The 1 that's always wagging his tail in excitement." Muppet Labs Sketch #: Gene Buster Labs Theme Music Playing In Background Bunsen: "Hello and welcome, I'm Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, and this is my faithful assistant, Beaker." Beaker: "Mee, mo, mee, mee." Bunsen: "Today, it's our great pleasure to demonstrate our latest invention--the Gene Buster." Bunsen: "Just as you know, genes affect almost everything else about all of us, but have you ever wished it was easier to use genetic information to track down your close family tree? well, wish no more, Beaker, if you please...?" Bunsen: "Observe and watch as Beaker places his right hand inside the Gene Buster, and his genes will be compared with every single data base in the universe, and some hitherto unknown relative will appear upon this screen as if by energy magic." Beaker: "Mee, mo, mo, mee, mee?" Bunsen: "Mostly painless I believe, yes, of course." Bunsen: "I see a little silhouette, it's of a man...mee, mo, mee, mee, mo, mee, mee, mo, mee, mo, mee, mo, mee......thunderbolts and lightning, very, very frightening.. Beaker: MEEEE! Bunsen: "Gary Mayo....." Beaker: "Mee, mo, mee, mee Bunsen: "Gary Mayo." Beaker: "Mee, mo, mee, mee, mee, mo, mee, mee, mee, mo, mee Bunsen: "Magnifico, Beaker, you don't mean to say that you don't know Gary Mayo, the greatest television panelist on So You Think You can Disco Dance Better than a Chimpanzee?" Beaker: "M-Mee?" Bunsen: "And the machine says he's your cousin many times removed, but obviously not very far enough." Beaker: "MEEEEE!" Gary Mayo: "Hey, hey, can I get back to the show right now? we're recording here!" Bunsen: "Dear me--of course you can, Mr. Mayo, sir, you're a very busy man--now we must let you go." Gary Mayo: "Yeah right, tell Beaker I owe his Aunt Dolly a letter." Click! Bunsen: "Oh well, easy come, easy go." FZZT! Cut back to Kermit in his office, backstage........ Kermit: "Well, Dr. Honeydew and Beaker, you guys did great out there." Bunsen: "Thanks, Kermit, it's been a real pleasure." Beaker: "Mee, mo, mo, mee, mo, mee, mee." Of Knocking On Door Kermit: "I wonder who that could be." Kermit walks around over to the door and opens it to reveal Scooter and his twin sister, Skeeter coming into his office, backstage. Kermit: "Oh, hey, Scooter, who do you have with you this time?" Scooter: "You remember my twin sister, Skeeter, right?" Kermit: "Of course I remember her, and-wow, look at you, you're all grown up right now." Skeeter: "I know, it's good to see all of you again, do you think I can join the rest of you and everybody else in the closing musical #?" Kermit: "Why sure, congratulations, Skeeter, you're doing the closing musical # with all of us this week." Skeeter: "Wow, awesome, I'm going out onstage right now." Kermit walks around back onstage............ Kermit: "And now, here's all of our good friends to sing We are Family with Miss (Guest Star's Name), yaaaaay!" Closing Musical #: We are Family All Muppet Friends and Guest Star: We are family I got all my siblings with me we are family get up everybody and sing Rowlf: Everyone can see we're together As we walk on by Animal: FLY! Rizzo: and we fly just like birds of a feader I won't tell no lie Animal: ALL! Walter: all of the people around us they say can they be that close Guest Star: Just let me state for the record we're giving love in a family dose All Muppet Friends and Guest Star: we are family I got all my siblings with me we are family get up everybody and sing we are family I got all my siblings with me we are family get up everybody and sing Scooter: living life is fun and we've just begun to get our share of the world's delights Animal: HIGH! Skeeter: high hopes we have for the future and our goal isnt in sight Animal: WE! Janice: no we don't get depressed here's what we call our golden rule Floyd: have faith in you and the things you you won't go wrong' Zoot: this is our family Jewel All Muppet friends and Guest Star: we are family I got all my siblings with me '' ''we are family get up everybody and sing We are family I got all my siblings with me we are family get up everybody and sing we are family I got all my siblings with me we are family get up everybody and sing Cut back to Statler and Waldorf in the balcony once again......... Waldorf: "Well, Statler, there's nothing like a close family reunion party." Statler: "Well, what makes you say that, Waldorf?" Waldorf: "Don't get stuck in another close family tree." Statler and Waldorf: Uncontrollably Scene 2: Back onstage/The final wrap up Kermit: "Alright, thank you all for coming, you have been such a wonderful audience tonight, but right before we all go, let's give a big round of applause for Miss (Guest Star's Name), yaaaay!" The Guest Star arrives out onstage.......... Guest Star: "Thanks, you guys, it's always been so wonderful having close family appreciation week on tonight's show with all of you here." Skeeter: "You're very welcome, (Guest Star's 1st name), it's been an honor seeing my twin brother again." Kermit: "Well, thank you, everybody for performing wonderfully onstage, we'll see you next time on The Muppet Show." End Production CreditsEdit Voice PerformersEdit Steve Whitmire Eric Jacobson Dave Goelz Matt Vogel Bill Barretta David Rudman Louise Gold Peter Linz Alice Dinean Vernon Stephanie D'Abruzzo Statler: "Hey, Waldorf, have you ever had a family reunion before?" Waldorf: "No, but I sure went out golf playing." Statler and Waldorf: Uncontrollably Dedicated to the loving memories and magic of Jim Henson (1936-1990), Richard Hunt (1951-1992), Erin Ozker (1948-1993), Jerry Juhl (1938-2005), Joe Raposo (1937-1989), the great Jerry Nelson (1934-2012), Jane Henson (1934-2013), Faz Fazakas (1918-2013) and John Henson (1965-2014)......we'll never forget about all of them. Category:The Muppet Show season 6 transcripts Category:Transcripts